Grief

I grieve for the person I once was. The one who woke up without pain or wondering how the day was going to end. The smile that was real and not forced. 

The days I could eat without being sick or having pain. The person I was before hospitals, doctors and special diets filled my day plans. 

Moving my body free and feeling alive. Where has that gone? I know it’s still there. Things are just different now. 

The reality is ugly. It’s not tied in a bow on top of a present. It is in your face, ugly, demanding and exhausting. The weeks aren’t filled with plans with your friends or days out exploring the world around you. Those are days very rare and in between. Our weeks are filled with doctors, procedures, needles, pain medication and a beautifully fake smile. Days can start so normal. Feeling like you can breathe when suddenly the the breathe is kicked out of you. Here is endometriosis on a normal day #fyp #endo #endowarrior #chronicillness #chronicpain #hospital #partner #endometriosisawareness #fyp

Endometriosis. It is invisable to the naked eye. Might look like a normal person walking down the street. While you see a normal “healthy” person walking, there is a war going on behind that fake smile. Be kind and gentle with your words. This disease is very real and has taken more from us than can ever be healed. #endowarrior #endosucks #fyp #chronicillness #chronicillnesseswarrior #disease #endometriosis

✨Body image- oh how I long for this standard of beauty social media has created in my head. The perfect and HEALTHY body that I thought I needed. The reality being I don’t need to be her. I have come to terms with the fact my body is forever changed. Scars that tell my story. Bruises from IV’s, tired eyes, stretch marks and all the other pieces that endo has left me with. My body can look glowing, beautiful and perfect. I have the good days and bad days where I look at the positive side of my body. Other days I feel trapped in a never ending battle of finding my self worth. These are both me on separate days. Both just as worthy. Both fighting an incurable disease. Both beautiful. 💛#endowarrior #endometriosisawareness🎗 #endo #fyp #fyp #chronic #chronicillnesseswarrior

🌸Endometriosis healthy snacks. Easy to make and vitamin rich! This takes less then 5 minutes to make! 🌸(Not a nutritionist)

Days full of bathroom visits, cramps, heartache, bloating, headaches, no sleep, and pain. Emotional pain, physical pain and spiritual pain. God has a plan but sometimes it’s impossible to understand. Life with endo isn’t just some cramps and a heating pad. It takes over your entire body and life. You fight everyday to have a life outside of it💛#fyp #endo #endowarrior🎗 #chronicillness #chronicpain

This week has been rough and amazing at the same time. My birthday was Wednesday which was my favorite day! The rest of the week was catch up work, fevers, flares, and finally strep throat 🙄 ✨how are you feeling today? ✨

What have I learned? This disease has given and taken. Good, bad and damn ugly. The pain, scars, new friends, bad doctors, and good doctors. All of it has shaped me to be the person I am today. I chose to see the blessings in the lessons. I chose peace and resilience. #endostrong #chronicillness #fypシ #fyp #endosisters

🌼The mind can be a track race. So many things to think about or tasks to get done. Especially in times of a flare or constant pain. 🌸Our minds can take control leaving us in a state of guilt. Shame and guilt are unfortunately one of the biggest challenges that comes with chronic illness. 🌼Close your eyes for a moment and tell yourself all the things you’ve overcome and all your goals you have reached. 🌸Take time today to stretch your body or sit outside for five minutes to allow yourself to breathe. Everything is going to be okay. Even when the pain is so bad all you can do is cry. Even when the doctor says things we don’t need or want to hear. Even when we are at our absolute lowest. 🌼We will rise. Endo does not get the last word. Our peace does🌼 What are your methods of peace? Drop any prayer request or tips below ⬇️

Trauma. No one can prepare you for this 💛#fyp #trauma #pain #medicaltrauma #sa #chronicallyill #endo #endowarrior💛

✨ENDO✨ what the hell is that? Endo are cells that can communicate with one another like cancer cells. Just like cancerous cells they can grow off of hormones. Most commonly progesterone. ✨I know I just shocked you. Yes progesterone causes rapid endo growth. Now, estrogen can also be a receptor as many have a patch of endo that does grow off estrogen. However, many cells can grow off of one another not thieving on anything but other endo cells. No receptors is what this is called. ✨Endo is very complex and different for everyone. The more we can educate one another the more equipped we are to help each-other through this disease that is relentless. ✨Share your story with me✨⬇️#fyp #endo #chronicillness #endowarrior💛

Time seems to stop in my mind but races by in real life. The small things have become my pleasures. 

Medicine fills my bags and guilt fills my head. My therapist says it’s not my fault but how am I to say it’s not when my own body is betraying me. 

If you feel this way just know I do too. It’s okay, you’re not alone. It’s okay to have bad and good days. If today is bad know in days to come they will be good again. 

Rest easy beautiful souls