Life Update Nov 23’
Honestly…
I don’t know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I’m in a weird limbo of trying to fix and remove all these toxins from my life.
Removing as much dairy, gluten and artificial sugars from my day to day. I am trying to get back into juicing and learning how to make anti-inflammatory foods.
I am trying to remember to take vitamins which I fail at a lot like remembering to take my daily medications. (Not like I’ve been doing this for years now) you’d think it wouldn’t be so hard.
I have been doing somatic work to release trapped trauma (medical, physical and emotional) from my body. It has helped with some bloating and pelvic nerve pain. I hope a lot and I mean a lot of tension.
I’m trying to do all these things while falling apart at the same time. My body feels incredibly weak. Even though I’ve made it through more than a month of not missing work, I had to call out today.
Upper respiratory infection that I was fighting off for a couple days took me out. So the circle begins again. The vicious cycle I’m trying so hard to get out of.
The past couple months I’ve had kidney infections, stones, uti, stomach issues, multiple aura migraine attacks and now this. The odds feel stacked up against me. On a good note I had a brain test done at my neurologist to see if I have ADHD which may be a cause to a lot of my anxiety. I feel my brain going 10000000 miles per hour all the time.
As positive as I want to be I just feel tired and out of fight. I’m just so tired and done.
I am having to miss out on my third degree Black Belt mid midterm testing which really sucks. I also can’t compete in the tournament that I wanted to as I named it. Just a bunch of one thing after another.
I recently saw a pain management doctor and insurance won’t let me get scans on my back until I’ve been with him for 6 weeks. He wants to start a new medication that’s long acting to help with my pain and do injections to ease the inflammation. Only thing is if I can’t get in before the new year for these scans I won’t be able to afford it. Searching for new health insurance so I can get better treatment options is also a hassle as I need it before April. He believes I have a bulging disc(s) and saw a nodule on my left hip that I had surgery on from old scans about a year ago.
Like I said one thing after another.
I’m trying to be the best role model for the kiddos I work with and live representing God and his love.
I just feel like I am failing at so much and my hard work is never noticed. People like to focus on the things I can’t do instead of the things I have and are doing.
This months checklist-
See endocrinology
See urology
Get into PT
Find a budget that gives me flexibility
The cycle must continue until I can find a way to break it.
Work, push through, pay my bills, spend days off at doctors, spend the time I have off sleeping to rest, and make it to Thanksgiving break healthy.
We got this.
All my love beautiful souls
Xoxo
Ræ